The sun is beginning to set on this quiet, reflective day. I discovered an iTunes radio station that has quieted my mind and body, a rare feat these days. The station is under "ambient" and is named "Healing Music Radio." That it is. Even Chloe, normally racing from one end of the apartment to the other and back, has been quietly laying near me as I read.
All paths have been guiding me back to the center, to matters of spirit. When I read May Sarton, it is clear that she has tapped into her higher mind and speaks with great wisdom, and that has awakened the need for spiritual connection in my life. I've ignored it for too long.
It hasn't been for lack of time or desire, but out of fear. I've had a block keeping me from connecting to spirit when I meditate (or God, the energy of the Universe, however you happen to call that higher power in your life). This impenetrable grey barrier is where the brilliant white light has been in the past. It's been frustrating.
The nudges to get back on the spiritual path have caused great anxiety. I am a perfectionist. I need it all, or nothing at all. Problems, I know. I'm working on them. The fear of failure has kept me from trying to connect.
Luckily, I've been working with a new psychotherapist and she is trained in traditional psychotherapy and in energy healing. We have merged spiritual healing with physical/therapeutic healing, and it's helped more than anything else ever has. I've seen more improvement in my ability to control my mind and emotions now than ever before.
When I described the blockage, she immediately understood. She then guided me through a visualization that has helped me connect ever since.
As a child, and even now as an adult, I loved to swing. The security of being connected to the grounding force through the seat and chains allowed me to luxuriate in the freedom of getting that much closer to the sky; the whole brilliant blue sky with soft puffy clouds, splashes of yellow at the bottom edges. I was free, fearless, connected.
Without her knowing this, she guided me through visualizing myself in a soft swing seat, satin ribbons connecting me to the sky, and I swing back and forth, feeling the fullness of the ebbs and flows, of seeing the sky then seeing the ground. Chloe is with me. She is in a satin pouch attached to my waist. We swing with the freedom of being connected to something solid.
This was, by far, the biggest breakthrough I've had in healing in years. Previously slouched, I found myself sitting straight, face tilted up, smiling. I felt light. I felt free. I felt connected.
Since then, I've been avidly seeking out spiritual knowledge, revisiting old teachers and discovering new ones. My feet are moving on the path again.